05/27/07

STELLA-LUNA~ KEEPER OF MY HEART

The day after my birthday was a sweet and thoughtful day for my nearly 13 year old Bullie girl to leave this earth, and her tired, tumor filled body behind. Stella, the dog who never committed a doggy crime, was always the dog I could count on to be good.

 Stella came to my sister and I shortly after we lost the first Bullmastiff we adopted. We were foster parents for the American Bullmastiff Association.  Barbara Brooks-Worrell was our mentor, teaching us about the breed. She was also the regional chairperson representing ABA rescue in the northwest. Our first Bullmastiff Dee Dee was confiscated at the same time Stella was, from a breeder who had gotten in over her head. The place where they were rescued from was beyond the filth and desecration most dog lovers could imagine. Dee Dee was full of cancerous tumors to the point she eventually garnered the nickname, “Princess Lumpy.”  She was as full of life as she was cancer. She was released to Barb who in turn entrusted my sister Carrie and I with her. Carrie and I took her on as a Hospice foster dog. One who would live out her last days in our care.  Dee lived with Carrie. I spent all of my free time with them. She needed much care and we devoted ourselves to giving her the best life we could, however limited. We were told she would most likely last approximately 8 weeks with her advanced and completely untreated cancer’s grip on her. Our girl blossomed in our care and ended up living life to it’s fullest for 5 and a half months. The amazing time we had and the incredible journey Dee Dee took Carrie and I on is another story I will write some other day.

  Dee Dee

 Where her story ends is where Stella’s story really begins. Stella had been kept as evidence to help convict the former owners of animal neglect and cruelty. Marti Edwards was able to use the Police report to trace the dogs confiscated in the AKC database. We learned their registered names. Stella was “Nemesis Heart Trouble.” We found out her birthday was the 1^st of October. She was 6 years old. We also found out that she and Dee Dee were Half-Sisters. Their Sire was a beautiful dog named Prince Rupert. Knowing that the Bullie girls were sisters made us even more determined to keep track of Stella. Dee Dee had come to us December 20^th.1997. We visited Stella in March at the Portland Humane Society where she was staying in a kennel run, her bed, a cardboard box she hid down inside of. The workers had recognized her fearfulness and provided her with the box. It was kind of them to put her bedding in there so she would feel safer. When we visited her I smuggled in some beef jerky. She was too afraid to eat it in front of us. I put it in her mouth when we left. As I peeked around the corner, I saw her slowly chewing. It was hard to leave Stella there, but imperative that the jury see what had been done to these dogs firsthand. 

 That May, we lost Dee Dee. It was on a Thursday. Carrie and I were devastated to say the least. That following Sunday, I arrived at the Worrell house to help with the breed education class Barb taught. Mark Worrell told me that Stella had been released. She was in a temporary foster home. I was elated. I got the information from Barb and arranged to meet the foster parents half way to pick her up. I kept all of this from Carrie, who had not stopped crying, in fear something would fall through and I wouldn’t get Stella. I went to the meeting alone. I pulled up and greeted Steve and Karen Sales. They expressed their sympathy at the loss of Dee Dee. I watched the Sales’ other two dogs bound from the car to greet me. Stella was hiding and they had to pull her out. I waited at a distance while they got her out. I knelt down and waited for her to see that I was there. I didn’t want to startle her. I had no way of knowing if she would even remember me. When she calmed a bit and looked at me I said “Hi Stella, do you remember me?” She walked right over to me and licked my cheek. I melted into a pool of tears. The foster couple was in tears as well. We all hugged and I left with Stella wrapped in a soft blanket so she could hide in my back seat. On the way home I stopped at my parents place so I could potty her. They watched as I carried her out of the truck and she shook like a leaf as she saw them. They saw how damaged she was compared to Dee Dee who was absolutely fearless and I know they hoped I wasn’t planning on keeping her.  I had honestly not thought that far ahead. My only plan was to take her home where my Sister would be waiting for me. She thought we were meeting to have dinner. I wanted to give Carrie some good news that might show her some happiness after losing our girl.  I arrived home shortly before Carrie arrived. She came pounding on the door asking if it was true. Did I really have Stella? I couldn’t believe a friend had blown the surprise. It was still beautiful. Stella did not seem scared. She sat between us and we fed her Godiva ice cream. After spending time with her we both realized she was not at all like her Sister. She was healthy physically, but deeply bruised mentally. Dee Dee was fearless and greeted everyone with a giant smile, but her body was completely ravaged by cancer and letting her down. We spent a lot of time thinking of what we would do. Barb had adopters who wanted a female Bullmastiff. She asked me to evaluate Stella and let her know what I thought. After spending time with Stella and seeing the grip fear had on her I felt she was not adoptable as a healthy example of the breed. I took her in for her spay appointment and when she was ready to go home I picked her up and paid the bill. I don’t think any of our friends or family thought adopting Stella after the loss of Dee Dee was a good idea. Carrie was not ready to have another dog so soon. Dee Dee had taken a toll on her emotionally, sometimes needing 24 hour care. Carrie had been devoted to her for over 5 months. Also, there was a toll on her home in the damage she did towards the end of her life when she was losing her faculties. We decided Stella would live with me. I was in a dog friendly apartment complex awaiting my first Bullmastiff puppy.  Carrie and I would co-own Stella as we had Dee Dee. She would live at my home and Carrie would provide her vet care and supplements.

 Stella’s mental healing became a paramount part of our relationship. I took her everywhere. Unfortunately, everywhere we went there were people. She was terrorized by the sight of strange people, especially men. She walked with me each morning to the manager’s office where the strapping 6’3 former Marine would give her a treat. It took weeks for her to accept one from him, but he never gave up. Stella made friends with other dogs easily. Dogs were not responsible for the suffering she had endured. Eventually she warmed up to some of the other dog people in the complex, but it was a slow process.

 At a dog show that summer I took her to a booth that made cool coats. It was a struggle even walking her to the booth with so many people around. She kept getting startled and trying to pull us under RVs to hide. When we arrived at the booth she hid under the owner’s chair. Measuring her was also a challenge. After some work, we were able to fit her with a beautiful cool coat embroidered with stars and moons. I put it on her and started the dreaded walk back to the campsite. It was then I realized a tool that would be important in her healing. Stella was no longer hiding or avoiding people. She felt concealed in her coat and the walk back was the easiest one I’d ever taken with her. 

 From that point on, at family events when my Father and Brother-in Law would be present, I dressed Stella up. She was actually responsive and able to take treats and be petted. It was a big step for us. All the men in my life had tried to be her friend. They were sickened by the extent of damage people can do to a dog.

 Another sanctuary for Stella was visiting Beth and Mike Patrick’s house. For some reason, she was not afraid of Mike. She made instant friends with their Bullmastiff George, and their Golden Retriever, Jazz. She walked their yard, peeing happily on everything, and rarely showed fear. Seeing her so happy there made me realize she had a safe place to stay if ever I traveled. As it turned out, Stella stayed there many times and was spoiled by Beth and Mike. She adored them and did her best to monopolize as much of their time and attention as she could when she was there.

 Stella’s development was definitely at a plateau by the end of that summer. She had done well, but still had a lot of issues. I was resolved to accept her and protect her in the state she was in. In August, our world changed forever. The day my first Bullmastiff puppy was to arrive had finally come. Stella had become quite attached to me by now. I had worries that she might not take too well to a tiny little upstart interrupting the new life she so adored. I could not have been more wrong. Sting came into our world at 8 weeks and three days of age. He had incredibly high self-esteem. He had no idea what a bad day was. He believed that everything and everyone in his surroundings existed completely for his pleasure. I made it a point to tell Stella this was her puppy. She should love and protect him and he would never be taken away. Stella took this to heart. Sting walked all over her. He chewed on her, rolled on and under her. He slept curled up under her. She always looked at him with love in her eyes. On a visit to the Patrick’s house, George charged the kennel Stella and Sting were resting in. Sting was visibly startled, even though George was just being playful. The second time he went to ram the fence, Stella erupted into a hyena-like creature and met him at the fence, teeth bared and snarling. She stopped him before he could startle the puppy again. We all were shocked seeing a side of Stella we never dreamed existed. 

Stella with Sting

 On our daily walks with the puppy, she stood a little taller and watched carefully for people. As Sting grew, their size was more comparable. She began standing next to him rather than cowering next to me during our walks. He greeted everyone with exuberance and wonder and Stella was starting to put her face up to be petted as well. I was watching her develop as my fearless puppy grew. It was a beautiful experience.

 After awhile, we moved into the home above Tiger Mountain Vet Clinic. Stella and Sting already loved it here, because it was their Vet Clinic. Stella would spend a lot of time downstairs with the staff in the evenings as they worked. They all loved her and participated in her development. On her birthdays, I would dress her in a feathered tiara, and birthday dress. I would walk her down into the clinic with candles ablaze on her cake. The staff would sing to her and we would help her eat her cake. She adored being sung to. She always knew it was her special day.

Stella

 Shortly after moving to Tiger Mountain, Trudi came to live with us. She was a gift from my mentors Barb and Mark Worrell. She was the Brindle girl of my dreams. I told Stella this was her puppy girl and she seemed just delighted to have her. She groomed her and kept a watchful eye on her at all times. She even let Trudi sleep on the top of her back. Trudi looked quite comfortable but Stella couldn’t have been. The things you do for love. Stella cared for and protected Trudi as she had Sting. At one point a rescued puppy from a drug house was staying with us. Trudi leaped at him and put her rear in the air as a play gesture. He had obviously never seen that gesture at the drug house and proceeded to attack Trudi. I was stunned by the puppy’s sudden viscous reaction and was headed towards them. Before I could get near, Stella flew off the couch and had pulled him off.

 Stella had many breakthroughs since the two young, undamaged dogs arrived. She watched them as a protector, and ended up learning from them not to be afraid. They eagerly greeted every visitor to our home. She quit hiding and ran along to the door with them. At a meeting of the Pacific Northwest Bullmastiff Fanciers, Stella made a real ruckus inside her crate. Beth let her out and she ran over to the couch where Mark Worrell and Trudi’s breeder, Bill Faris were sitting. These two men had tried to be her friends for years. She gave them kisses and tears came to their eyes along with everyone else there. I ran for a camera, not sure I believed what I was seeing. Stella was invited to be a guest at Seattle University. She and Carrie’s non-rescue Bullmastiff, Jeanne, demonstrated environmental mirroring behavior for one of Carrie’s Psychology class projects. Stella was reluctant to interact with the class on her own. When Jeanne was brought in, Stella changed completely and her fear diminished. The class was touched by the demonstration. Carrie and I noted her amazing progress once we were headed home. She had come such a long way from her horrendous beginning.

 An incredible gift Stella shared with us was her ability to comfort other badly damaged rescue dogs. They always knew as soon as they saw Stella, that she understood them. The undamaged rescues ignored Stella for the most part. One of the most damaged rescues we fostered was a Dogue De Bordeaux puppy we named, Jean Paul. He was so beaten down he crawled around on his belly. When we arrived at my house, Stella was on her couch. He crawled across the floor and got onto the couch next to Stella. He curled up and went to sleep on her rear end. He liked to follow her and always got in her crate with her. She made him feel safe. His confidence grew and he then started playing with Trudi and Sting. By the time that year’s Halloween Costume Party came along, he was able to walk the runway on his own.

 Stella also comforted her human friends. Anytime she saw me cry she would climb on me and lick the tears away. She had a look of genuine concern in her eyes. She gave me much support over the years. One day Gayle Hanis, a friend of Stella’s who had owned another of the rescued Nemesis dogs was in the clinic and very upset. She had just lost her Cat in the car, during the ride to the clinic trying to save it. I went up and got Stella. I knew Stella would know what to do. She heard Gayle crying and went to the door. I mentioned Stella’s name, to the receptionist. Gayle heard us and asked the nurse to open the door. Stella went right in and climbed in Gayle’s lap. We shut the door and let Stella comfort her friend. It amazes me the compassion she had towards those she loved especially after being treated so poorly by humans in the first half of her life. 

 A few days before her10th birthday, Stella woke up one morning unable to unfold her legs. Many of the dogs from Nemesis Kennels had or developed spine, back, neck and joint issues from being kept in tiny crates. I had seen it in the other dogs from Nemesis, but with Stella it happened literally overnight. I tried to help her up. She let out a pain-filled whimper and I ran crying downstairs. I prayed it wasn’t time to make that awful decision. Pam Hill, the LVT on staff gave Stella a loading dose of the powerful joint supplement, Glycoflex 3. She also took a blood sample and gave her an injection for the immediate pain. By the end of the week, Stella was getting up and down off the couch like nothing had been wrong at all. As I breathed a sigh of relief I received the test results from the blood draw. Stella had cancer. It was a mildly aggressive form. It was not surprising after knowing the history of the bloodline she came from. What was encouraging, was that many of the Nemesis dogs lived for years with multiple types of cancer, as her Sister Dee Dee had. She began a cancer cocktail that included Doxycyclene and continued with her supplements.

 Stella celebrated two more song filled birthday parties at the clinic before we moved to our new home in Carnation. She won the “Best in Show” award at last years Halloween Costume Contest. She was dressed as a member of the Red Hat Society. She wore a dress and hat that were hand made for her by her dear friend, Marti Edwards. Stella proudly walked the runway and stood looking out from under the wide brim of her bright red hat at her applauding admirers.

 Stella enjoyed her 6 weeks at our new home. Having her there made it complete. Seeing her walk the yard happily peeing on things and laying under the fruit trees made it home. I never dreamed I would have her almost three years past her diagnosis of two types of cancer. I thought I was prepared for her to leave with all the signs I identified that were telling me time was short. My head knew but it neglected to inform my heart. I miss her in so many ways. When I start feeling sad about her I try and focus on my last image of her. She was fading. She may not have recognized Carrie and I, but when I brought her “kids” in, I saw the look of love in her eyes one last time.